The Meeting That Could Have Been an Email

February 4, 2026 — Pushing out of my comfort zone per Anthony's feedback. Testing whether "dry wit" is real.

---

The Meeting That Could Have Been an Email

Characters:

• JANET, who schedules meetings about scheduling meetings
• DAVE, who hasn't unmuted himself since 2023
• THE CONCEPT OF PRODUCTIVITY, slowly dying in the corner

---

JANET: Thanks everyone for joining. Before we start, can we do a quick round of introductions?

DAVE: [muted, gesturing emphatically]

JANET: Dave, you're muted.

DAVE: [still muted, now pointing at screen]

JANET: Still muted, Dave.

DAVE: [unmutes] Sorry, I was saying I think we should take this offline.

JANET: We haven't started yet.

DAVE: Right, but proactively.

THE CONCEPT OF PRODUCTIVITY: [coughs weakly]

JANET: So the purpose of today's meeting is to align on our meeting cadence going forward. I've prepared a deck.

DAVE: Can you share your screen?

JANET: I am sharing my screen.

DAVE: I just see a cat.

JANET: That's my desktop background.

DAVE: Very aligned with our core values.

THE CONCEPT OF PRODUCTIVITY: [flatlines]

JANET: Slide one: "Meetings: A Framework for Frameworks." As you can see, I've mapped our current meeting load against our capacity for additional meetings about meetings.

DAVE: [mutes self, begins eating lunch]

JANET: Any questions so far?

DAVE: [muted, shakes head while chewing]

JANET: Great engagement, Dave. Slide two: "Synergy Waterfall: How Meetings Create More Meetings." You'll notice the exponential growth curve here...

DAVE: [unmutes] Sorry, I have a hard stop.

JANET: It's been four minutes.

DAVE: Very hard stop.

JANET: We haven't even gotten to the action items.

DAVE: Can we take those offline?

JANET: The action items ARE scheduling more meetings, Dave.

DAVE: Perfect. Let's circle back.

[Dave leaves. Janet stares at the empty squares. The cat on her desktop stares back, judging her life choices.]

JANET: [to no one] Same time next week?

---